GAY WARRIOR JEAN AU for bruch

[jeanboy]

[ Much like Annie and Bertoldt, Jean tries to keep his presence in the 104th as inconspicuous as possible. He's always been a logical guy who tries to look at things objectively. There's nothing good that comes out of befriending the other recruits. Not when he had a part to play in their suffering and probably will cause them more suffering in the future. It won't be long until they have to start the next phase. He simply can't get close to them, because the more he gets to know them the heavier that guilt weighs on him. These kinds of friendships will just end in pain.

(Jean's really a hypocrite to be mulling over this at the dinner table, because beside him, Marco sits, musing about something funny that happened during training that morning.)

Holding onto his dinner (that same stale bread roll they got for every meal), he keeps his gaze fixed across the table, where he can see Reiner talking to Krista, a light flush building on the other boy's cheeks. Jean isn't stupid. He knows what's going on here. He's seen that look before, but not directed at any girl. What is happening to this person he's known since childhood? It's almost like he's become someone else entirely. It's confusing, it's concerning, and it makes him --

"Jean, are you angry?"

He casts the gentle boy beside him a look, the furrow in his brows that he hadn't realised was there easing up now.

"What are you talking about, Marco?"

"Well ... It's just that you've been so quiet, and you're gripping the bread so tightly there are holes in it now ..." ]

---

[ Later that night, Jean moves silently across the boys' quarters to where Reiner's bunk is. He climbs up the ladder as nimbly as one can, stopping only when he's able to see Reiner's sleeping face. Then, he promptly pinches the other boy by the nose, purposefully making it difficult for him to breathe. ]

You sure had fun today, didn't you, you Muscle-For-Brains?

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[jeanboy]

[ He was enjoying the warmth before, the soft tickle of Reiner's hair against his face, but those optimistic words pull him out of his relaxed mood, making him solemn. ]

I don't know about that ... [ Cautious by nature, Jean doesn't buy into the ideals fed to them back home very easily. He always had a feeling the people on Paradis island were never devils, and now that he's here, his hunch is confirmed. He's also seen how the warriors of the past would get treated. They'd come back from battle and if triumphant, celebrate and have a drink and be commended by their commanding officers. It sounds like an honour, but once the festivities had died down, it was back into the fray for them. Their lives were short and rife with strife. He can't see them having peaceful ones, even if they were to become heroes.

He could choose to hold his tongue for once, or he could kill the mood entirely with his often pragmatic and pessimistic words. Being Jean, he chooses to do the latter. ] They're probably going to keep working us to the bone, until we die in a few years.

[ They aren't in Marley, so he feels safe enough to express his dissenting views about their home country. ]

[bruch]

[ Jean isn't wrong and Reiner knows this, but listening to those words makes his stomach churn in a way that makes him hate himself. it's been years since they arrived at the island, years since he's met and befriended so many of the so-called devils. and yet all that propaganda he's been fed from Marley and his mother since he could first understand words still cause him to flinch at any form of dissent towards his hometown.

he doesn't say anything to Jean, though. even if what he's saying hurts to believe. ]

If we complete the mission they will treat us right. That's all we have to do. [ his dreams hasn't changed. it can't. it's all he has. a good life for his family, his mother. a good life for him and Jean now, too. he can't think that what he's doing will end up not changing anything. even if he has to lie to himself and to his most important person to make sure to achieve that dream, then he will. ]