for pachintoki ... general shamelessness help

[mayoniac]

[ Wherever you were before, you're now in a bed that isn't quite yours. It's clean and soft, as if there's someone out there who wants you to be comfortable, and big enough for two. Should you wake up and rub the slumber off your eyes, you'll find yourself in an unfamiliar room, and --

Someone sleeping beside you.

Hijikata shifts, not quite fully awake yet. Usually he'll have an alarm to help get him up on time. Not today, though, so he's oversleeping a little bit. Back turned to Gintoki, he almost looks peaceful, until --

He sits up, posture stiff, and says in the most serious, convicted voice. ]

I understand. As you wish, Queen Mayoria. [ wtf is he dreaming about ..........

Then he goes back to sleep, not yet aware of the predicament they're in.

also i dont have appropriate icons deal with it ]

Comments

[mayoniac]

[ Hijikata gives a kick so that Gintoki's legs roll off the edge, and he's on the floor properly. He's not the kind of guy to half-ass things. ]

We both know you know jack shit about exorcism! Besides, I wasn't possessed, I was --

[ . . .. . ..

And he stops mid-sentence, because it's probably better that he doesn't tell his arch-enemy about his dream about being knighted by Queen Mayoria and defeating the Ketchupsuki for her with his Mayoringan.

Instead, he grabs one of Gintoki's hands and cuffs him. ]

Come with me to the station. [ except ... there's no station ...... because this isn't Edo ......... ]

[pachintoki]

[Your dreams are so friggin' stupid, Hijikata.]

You have no idea what I know, oi! I read Jump Square sometimes!

[click; Gintoki will clench his teeth a little.]

Hold, hold on a sec, hold on, something like this isn't really necessary, is it?

[He'll move his feet, setting them on the ground then tugging back on the cuff because he is so not gonna spend the day cuffed to Hijikata again.]

Oi, seriously, let me go. I wanna go home, you can buy me aspirin some other day.

[mayoniac]

[ Yeah, nope, Hijikata gets off the bed, walking to the doorway. ]

You're under the arrest for one count of assault and one count of breaking-and-entering. Do you have anything to say about that?

[ THEN AGAIN, ISN'T HIJIKATA TRESPASSING AS WELL ]

[pachintoki]

[He is NOT getting off the floor, pulling back on the handcuff some more like a stubborn kid getting dragged around by his mom.]

Hah? Yeah I got something else to say about that! You forgot to charge yourself with kidnapping, Mr. full of himself cop! How the hell did you get in here if I was breaking and entering, hah?! What the hell did you to do Gin-san this morning, HAH?

[mayoniac]

[ Come to think of it, how did he get here? He was too preoccupied with the, you know, attempt at his life that his surroundings have only just registered. ] Don't say it like I had anything to do with this, asshole ... Who would want to kidnap you? What value do you have?

[ In response to Gintoki's tugging, he tugs back at the cuff in an attempt to pull him into a stand. It's then that the TV flickers on, and the true premise of this fucking thread is finally made known.

Congratulations, newlyweds. Welcome to your new home. There is no escape, so enjoy your peaceful new life.

And that's all it says. ]

[pachintoki]

What value do I have, huh? Spoken like a true side-character, no wonder you'll only be support forever, oi--

[And then he'll slowly look over to the TV. Was this P*ltegeist? Why did it turn on by itself? That's creepy, really creepy. . .

It takes him all but a second to read the message, and then he'll slowly look back to Hijikata, meeting the other's gaze, then look slowly back to the TV. . .no, this was worse than P*ltergeist. . .

Cue frantic tugging on the handcuff!]

OI! WHAT DID YOU DO! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO? A MAN SHOULD ONLY GET MARRIED ONCE IN HIS LIFE, AND I WAS WAITING FOR KETSUNO ANNA ONLY!

[He's getting up now, so Hijikata's going to have to do something or Gintoki's gonna pull him around like a dog going after a cat.]

[mayoniac]

[ FYI he was supposed to be the main character. He should kill this guy one day for usurping his position.

Ah, but, the TV is pretty creepy too. They both stare at it at around the same time, reading the words on the screen and exchanging glances between each other. Bit by bit, the implications seep in. ]

So now you can get off the floor?? [ He doesn't like the idea of this any more than Gintoki does, but he doesn't quite get his chance to react to it because he now has a sad Ketsuno Anna-fanboy blaming him for what he had no hand in. ]

Do you really think I could accomplish this? Do you really think that if I had to choose someone to marry, it would be you??!

[ No, he's kind of doomed on the marriage front, but we don't talk about that. ]

And there's no way she'd marry such an idiot!

[pachintoki]

WE GET ALONG! SHE AND I GET ALONG GREAT! WE'RE CUT FROM THE SAME KIMONO, AND IT'S A WEDDING KIMONO!

[Don't focus on the past, Hijikata-kun. The future is now.

And so Gintoki will be running to the nearest door he can find; as soon as he slides the glass door open he'll be looking at the backyard with it's clean, well-manicured lawn, even the swimming pool. Hijikata is going to get dragged outside unless he stops them somehow.]

Just what kind of honeymoon is this, hahh? This isn't even Japan anymore! What kind of salary do you get that you can afford to travel, government bastard; you got 10 seconds to explain yourself.

[mayoniac]

[ Aaaand now he's being dragged. He should really learn that cuffing this guy will only make him a bigger annoyance.

He... kind of can afford to travel because of his Vice-Commander salary, but that's besides the point. ]

I already said that I had nothing to do with this! I'd sooner die than marry a bastard like you. I'm just as confused as you are!

If you only opened your damned eyes, you'd see that we've both been kidnapped.

[pachintoki]

[You deserve it. Maybe next time Gin-san asks Hijikata to let him go, the guy will listen despite all the mayonnaise in his brain. ]

And I'm just supposed to believe that this isn't your fault, aah?!

[He's breathing hard, and he looks like, even though Hijikata's saying it's not his fault, that he still wants to reach out and throttle the guy anyway and keep bickering. Still, he's taking deep breaths through clenched teeth.]

Huh! That's definitely not it. If nobody'd want to kidnap me, they'd want to kidnap you even less.