youlittleshit | (no subject)

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[ squeezing mayo on his dango ]

Shit --

[ OMNOM ]

I have to shed some pounds.

[ OMNOMNOMNOM ]

Maybe they were right about the mayo.

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[gets a totally spaced out look on his face]

...That sounds pretty good actually.

You've eaten enough junk food, muffin. Time to switch to carrot cakes and fruit juice instead of milkshakes.

I drink fruit juices, what're you talking about, sugarball.

[whips out a carton of strawberry milk from nowhere and starts chugging it]

[snatching that away]

Pure fruit juice, not this mixed-up stuff.

[YOU DID NOT JUST TAKE HIS STRAWBERRY MILK AWAY]

OYY WHAT D'YOU DO THAT FOR?!

You need to diet, honeybunch, strawberry milk has way too much sugar in it.

I don't need to diet.

[wobble wobble]

Sorry to say this, but when I think your stomach would make a good cushion, you need to go on a diet.

Don't hate me cause I'm fat, sugarmuffin.

I'd like you no matter how you look, but you realize that now I can take all your candy and run away with it and you wouldn't be able to catch me, right?

Wait till I sit on your face.

[crosses arms, cocks head and grins]

Kinky. You'd have to catch me first, though.

How is face sitting kinky huh? Ohh, I get it, you're into aliens aren't you? Ohh honeybunny, you're the kinkier one.

Has your butt turned into an alien ever since you started putting on weight? Jeez, this must be why ShinRa's training sessions are so hard.

Last I checked, my butt was still human, thanks.

But you just said that I must like aliens since I think face sitting is kinky.

[shakes head, sighs, goes over and gives Gintoki's ass a squeeze, backs off again]

Yep. Feels like an alien to me.

OYY STOP THAT.

[smacks you]

[GODDAMN, GETTING SMACKED LEFT AND RIGHT]

Hey, I'm doing you a favor! Now that I know for sure that it's an alien I can help you get rid of it.

[takes sword out, swordtwirls a little~ and then snaps into a relaxed fighting stance]

This'll only hurt for a moment.

[WHAT THE FUCK]

A MOMENT MY ASS!

[WADDLING AWAY OH MY GOD]

Wha-- come back, Gintoki! We could use the fat to fry pancakes for Tako!

[WADDLE WADDLE WADDLE]

He'll just put mayo on them!

....I'll pass.

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